So recently I’ve been asking myself “What do I stand for?” Partially because of F.U.N.’s catchy song and partially because I’m in my twenties and seem to be questioning everything else. I know I’m African American, I know I’m a student, I do question if I’m 5 foot 6 or 5 foot 7 on a regular basis. Or whether I’m really 225.2 pounds or 226.1 pounds (down 10 pounds yay Best Fitness). You get the point. I also question if my actions reflect my thoughts. There’s this God whom I love I try to love with everything I’ve got and its sometimes a major fail. A major fail but that’s what I love about this ride of life.
Those failure moments because then God is showcased and yes somewhere in that big Bible of a thousand pages it says (and I quote) in our weakness we are made strong. God designed us with that choice……our choice to believe we have control or the choice to relinquish a life that I never paid for. Not one drop of my blood spilled, not one redemption coin I ever placed on the table of redemption. This is real, this is the very nature of the God I serve and love. The very nature of the glory of Christ.
That we would have a revelation and know we need Him (in our weakness) constantly, to know that He is worthy of our praise, to know that He alone gives. It’s breathtaking and it’s stunning and terrifying. But when I’m 30 and look back at all those years….and by all those years I mean my 20s I don’t want to look back and see that I only became good at one thing, attempting to be strong. I don’t wanna look back on my youth and see I focused only on school for years and years and years. I don’t wanna be good at just learning. Learning is not listening to lectures on some topics you like others you despise. Learning occurs when something inside of you ignites, burns aflame, and then stats lit forever. I want to burst into flames, not because I’m strong or to reference the Hunger Games but because the Holy Spirit dwells in me.
I want to love others until I can’t recognize myself. I want to remain pure for my husband and our kids and the legacy our family will leave. I want to know God’s voice as if it is my neighbors. I want to be here and more than that I want to know God more. Intimately, so that the next time my flesh tries to take aim or the lead, I’ll burst into those flames. And sometimes, its just takes being weak. I < He
2 Cor 12:9
“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me”
Love. Life. Life.