Ensuing Love

This song speaks to my soul, literally speaks to my essence, my soul, the fibers running through me. If you’re reading this post and haven’t listened to the above song. Just stop. Now. And play the song, if not your computer will probably crash down and die. But anyways, personal post ahead. Brace yourselves.

There are so many ways God speaks and I think one of them is through this song. Maybe more than this song but right now its so loud and clear..in this song. All those previous statements just to say I’ve got a new outlook on life. Ya know recently I’ve been feeling sluggish. Not the slow and steady wins the race tortoise that appears so wise & but more like a snail. Gross, smelly, and lonely. And although, I make that sound way more depressing than it actually is analogies and similes are cool & its national poetry day so there.

“Take back your former throne and turn the tide

“Cause if you never leave home, never let go

You’ll never make it to the great unknown

Keep your eyes open, my love
So tell me you’re strong, tell me you see
I need to hear it, can you promise me to
Keep your eyes open, my love”

These lyrics were all I needed this week. I’ve always been that person who loves to know what’s going to happen. A lot of people ask me questions partially due to the f.a.c.t. that I will probably know the answer. But when God told me the answer last month to an ever pressing question. I well….sort of clammed right up. I mean literally just got nervous and fearful and really really less confident. But the Lord..I believe that at any point in my life within a struggle I get by on those three words “But the Lord”…they’re right up there with “I love you” :)

So about keeping my eyes opened. That’s exactly what I haven’t been doing (up until about 3 days ago). My eyelids felt so heavy, the tide had turned and I had pleaded with the Lord to show me, tell my heart what it is He wanted from me. And then….the day comes and BAM I hated what He told me. And then around 1030am on Monday of this week in the middle of a class lecture on Moses and the burning bush it hit me. I had an answer to prayer and I don’t mean Lord can you please help me find a parking spot prayer (although I pray that diligently when entering campus) I mean life altering prayer decision course career development prayer. The ones you’re completely terrified of. So what? I had two reactions, two totally different states of consciousness occurred. Fear and excitement.

The first part of this blog I wrote almost 3 months ago, I couldn’t bring myself to publish it because well, it wasn’t finished. Simple, I knew there was more to be said than I could say 3 months ago and I’ve been waiting. My sleepless nights have been the perfect outlet for my writing while reeking havoc on my energy during the day. “You never know who is counting on your relationship with God” Keep those eyes open, you who are reading this post. I’ll eventually finish this blog post some day. Who knows I may even see this band live.

And then it’s like you look back on even more of your life & you wonder what gives God (well besides God har har har). This one post was written over the course of 8 months. Each time I went to publish it, I realized it wasn’t completely finished so I didn’t, I couldn’t, it just didn’t feel finished. I needed to figure out how to explain exactly how time consuming,life altering, knee weakening, utterly terrifying waiting on God can be. Yet how painstakingly beautiful it is when He reveals himself & you just know. You just know He keeps all of His promises, you just know He really loves you when He says He does, you just know God is always protecting,healing,helping. You just know He has your back on all accounts. And that’s where this once sluggish girl is today. You can ways plan a life for yourself but then sometimes life gets in the way of your plans & that’s ok. What is majorly important is you plan to follow Gods will for your life. That is how you live a life full of feeling alive rather than existing.

Don’t be a snail. Keep Your Eyes Open.

PS I did see this band live, God works in cool ways. Pictures to follow soon.

Love. Life. Life.

Xoxo

2 days ago - 1